Deerington inbox

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[boyobscured]

I'll talk to him about it.

But you think it's okay, right? We're not supposed to talk about anything like this at home. Or Ma said it was sinful. She said that about everything though so I don't really know what to think.

[ Being a repressed queer is HARD okay ]

[variantcover]

a lot of people think a lot of things are sinful. that doesn't mean you shouldn't do them. who cares what your Ma would think? no offense, but she wasn't always the nicest person to you. maybe you shouldn't do what she would want you to do.

[boyobscured]

No, I don't care what she thinks. She's dead now. But I never learned anything else until very recently.

This doesn't bother you at all? That we're both men I guess.

Although I don't know if I want to be that either. I read the book you gave me.

[variantcover]

no it doesn't bother me that you're both men. it wouldn't bother me if you were both women, or both non binary, or any combination of genders. what someone does in their own sex life is their business, not mine.

i'm glad you read it. did it clear up anything for you? or do you have any more questions now after reading it?

[boyobscured]

I wonder why other people care so much. Maybe that's just a future thing. It's not talked about where I'm from unless you whisper.

I still don't really know how to tell. I don't want to be human and helpless and afraid. I don't want to be what people expect me to be. I just want to be at all, on my terms.

[variantcover]

some people care way too much about other people's sex lives. but i say fuck em.

(not literally, fuck better people than nosy assholes.)

that's fine! you can be you on whatever terms you define for yourself. if that means you're a human guy, or a nonbinary wizard, or a genderfluid stormcloud, whatever. you're still you.

[boyobscured]

[ He still can't imagine just writing or saying a word like fuck. It always surprises him, even after months of being around people who say whatever they want. ]

I want to be a monster. People keep telling me I'm not, as if that will make me feel better or something. But I WANT to be. It feels safer. Better.

I told Magnus once that people are so bad so often. Can't monsters be good?

I think good and bad are relative terms. It's not cut and dry. I guess neither is identity.

[variantcover]

then BE a monster! embrace your monsterhood! whatever that means to you.

i think anyone can be anything. good or bad. human or monster. everything is shades of gray.